


Love and Hate

by LittleBitOffanfic



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Reader Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 12:42:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6424624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleBitOffanfic/pseuds/LittleBitOffanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fandom: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles<br/>Characters: Raph (mentions of the others) <br/>Relationship: Raph/reader<br/>Request: Can you do an angsty raph x reader where they have an argument and end up not talking for agggeeesss then he goes to her and confesses? Thxs xx</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love and Hate

Tears stung your eyes as you stared at the beautiful city. Sitting on a rooftop, you found yourself longingly staring out at the bright lights. It seemed there nothing bright in your life at the minute.   
You had had another fight with Raph again and not you were done. Well, that was what you screamed in his face anyway.   
He had been ignoring you lately and you pulled him up on it, but you were met with pure anger. He had yelled at the top of his lung that you didn’t have any right to question his behaviour and that if he didn’t want to speak to you then he didn’t have to.   
Worse still, he had done this in front of his brother.   
The embarrassment alone was enough to make you hate him.   
But you didn’t hate him, how could you? He is your oldest and closest friend. Well, was.   
Sighing, you tried to clear your mind of him, but failed.   
You didn’t know why he hated you all of a sudden.   
You felt a vibration in your pocket. Pulling out your phone, you see the name David pop up on the screen.   
You had met him only a couple of weeks ago but instantly hit it off. He had taken you out a couple of times. He was funny and charming, with blur eyes and blonde curls but you didn’t see it being more than a friendship. Pushing the answer button, you put the phone to your ear.   
“Hey, [y/n].” He chimed happily, making you smile a little.   
“Hey, whats up?” You manage to mask the face you had been crying really well as David went on to tell you about this movie he had just seen advertised.   
“Do you want to go?” He asks.   
“Not tonight, but thanks.” You politely decline, not feeling up to it.  
“[y/n]. I don’t want to be ‘that guy’, but where is this going?” You were taken aback by the sudden seriousness of his tone, instantly know what he was talking about.   
“look, David, im really sorry, but I don’t think of you as any more than a friend.” You sigh, hoping he would become the guy that gets angry at you but instead, he chuckled.   
“Theres someone else, isn’t there?” You were taken aback by this, feeling your heart hurting slightly. “Yeah, but I don’t think anything will come of it.” You let a tear run down your cheek in silent.   
“Why? Why would any guy not want you?” He laughs but stops when he hears a slight sob.   
“He hates me. I don’t know what ive done. Hes been my friend all my life and recently hes started to ignore me. We had a massive argument because of it and I don’t think he even care.” You break down, sobbing uncontrollable on the phone. David waits for you to calm down before speaking.   
“Does he know you love him?” He asks you. Your eyes widen as you hear the word love. You were about to protest that of course you didn’t love him, when it hit you.   
You did.  
“Of course he doesn’t know I love him.” You sigh, wiping away your tears.   
“if I were you, I would tell him. You’d be surprised at how stupid men can be.” David laughs heartily as you giggle.   
“Maybe. I’ll think about it. And thanks.” You say, feeling a little better.   
“No problem. I’ll speak to you later, okay?” You bid David goodbye and hang up the phone.   
Leaning back on your hands, you stare up at the night sky with a smile. Your head tilts further and further back until you see a figure standing a couple of feet behind you. Raph.   
Had he heard what you had said on the phone? But you didn’t say his name, then again, who else had you fallen out with recently.   
You jump and scramble to your feet as he watches your every move.   
“What are you doing here?” You spit, pulling your shields up. You expected his to snap at you but he just stands there looking at you with sad eyes.   
“Was that him? Who you were on the phone to.” He asks, nodding at your phone which was sticking out of your pocket.   
“That was David.” You confirm with a nod, trying to figure out what was going on.   
“What did he want?” Raph drops your gaze and look to the side.   
“He wanted to ask if I wanted to go to the movies. But I said I wasn’t feeling up to it.” Something was different about Raphs voice. I was saddened, not angry.   
“I think you should.” He whispers making you frown with confusion.   
“I don’t want to go to the movies, though.” You state, taking a step forward, only to see him take a step back.   
“No, I think you should go with him. And I don’t think we should see each other again.” Raph sighs and turns, about to walk away.   
You felt your heart being ripped out of your chest as he walked away from you.   
“Why do you hate me?” You whisper, but it was loud enough for Raph to freeze. He looked over his shoulder to see you had turned around, one of your hands covering your mouth.   
Raph takes a deep breath, and keeps walking.   
\-------------------------------------  
It had been a month and none of the turtles had heard from you.   
“Well, shes defiantly been at her home because we have seen her lights on.” Donnie tell Splinter while Raph sits in silence.   
He hadn’t told his brothers what had happened on that roof top a month ago. He hadn’t told them he had said to you not to come back. How could he?   
You were family to them.   
“Raphael, do you know why [y/n] has not been visiting?” Spliter turns everyone’s attention on Raph, making him stiffen.   
“No idea.” He grumbles, avoiding his masters gaze.   
“What if she doesn’t like us anymore?” Mikey pips up, his voice full of sorrow.   
“Don’t be silly, Mikey. Of course she likes us.” Leo placed a reassuring hand on his brothers shoulder even though he didn’t believe his own words.   
Raph felt the guilt wash over him again. He had barley slept or eaten since that night. When he did sleep, the last words you said would whisper in his ear. He had done it for your own good. No matter how much he hated it, that David guy could give you everything he couldn’t. He could give you a normal life. He could take you to restaurants and could show you off. Raph would give the world to do that.   
He had came up to apologies, and say he was an idiot. But then he heard you say that you loved him. But you didn’t say you loved him. He had been so confused. He was sure it must have been him you were talking about, but then love came into the conversation.   
Raph stood up abruptly, causing everyone to look at him.  
“I’m going for a walk.” He stated before running out of the room.   
Tears flowed freely down his cheeks as he tried to stop the overwhelming urge to go and check on you again. Every night, he found himself on the roof opposite your window in the small hope he might catch a glimpse.   
Yet again, he was there. Staring at your dark window. It was raining heavily but Raph didn’t care.   
The light came on and Raph jumped, hiding a little in the darkness. You came to the window to draw the curtain but your appearance made Raph feel sick.   
You had dark bags under your eyes, your skin was pale and you didn’t look like you eaten in days. Your eyes, that were normally bright and excited were now dull and lifeless. Then you were hidden behind the curtain.   
Raph couldn’t stop himself. He leaped across the roof tops and, using a drainpipe and putting his feet on your window ledge, knocked on your window.   
\-----------------------  
You heard a small knock at your window, making you turn and frown at it.   
Slowly and carefully, you inched forward and drew back the curtains to reveal.  
“Raph?” Your voice was a little rough since you hadn’t spoken to anyone all day. You watched him for a couple of seconds in confusion as the rain ran down his face. You looked down and turned your head slightly, starting pulling the curtain again. As if it would make him go away.   
Raph banged on the window, desperately trying to make you stop.   
“I just want to speak to you. Please, [y/n]” You looked back at him. Never, in his life, had he said please except in a sarcastic way. Raph saw your hesitation.   
“Just one minute. Then I’ll go.” He stared intently at you, his heart beating out of his chest.   
You found yourself unlocking the window and opening it slightly but drawing the curtains again.   
“[y/n]! Open the window.” Raph demanded.   
“No. you said yourself you didn’t want to see me anymore, so at least that bit would be true.” You mutter, sitting on the small chair you kept beside the window. There wasn’t a reply as the awkwardness sunk in.   
“Raphael, I can not afford to heat up the whole street. Can you please just say what you wanted to say and leave?” You say bluntly. Raph leaned his forehead against the glass as he tried to think.   
“I don’t know why I’m here.” He whispers, making you shake your head.   
“If you don’t know, I cant help you.” Your voice catches in your throat as tears pool at the corner of your eyes. You stand up and open the curtain. Raphs eyes widen with a spark of hope but that disappears when you shut the window and lock it. He stares at you with pleading eyes.   
“Times up.” You whisper with a shrug as you grip the curtains.   
“Don’t.” He whispers, his eyes wide with fear. “I can explain everything.”   
You were so weak. You knew and he knew it.   
You flipped the latched that unlocked the window and walk away.   
In a second, the window was open and Raph had run up behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist as he buries his face into your neck.   
“Your getting me wet.” You mutter in a monotone voice, making Raph squeeze you tighter.   
“I don’t hate you, [y/n]. I…” Raph took a deep breath. “I love you. I always have. But you deserve so much more than I can give you. I, I thought that if you weren’t with me every day, it would be easier for me to let you go, but I can’t. When I left you on the rooftop, it haunts my nightmares. To think you think I hate you drives me mad because all I want is to make you happy, but I cant.” Raph breaks down as he starts to shake. He buries his face into your neck as you tried to wrap your head around what he said.   
“I want you to be in my life, even if your not mine. You can pretend this night never happened and forget everything ive said.” He growled, either because he was trying to fight back his tears or because he had poured his heart out to you and was now saying you didn’t need to bother about it.   
But you turned in his arms, making his eyes widen as his hand rested on your hips while your snaked your own arms up and around his neck.   
“Why would I want to forget the night that the one I love said he loves me back?” You whispers tears cascaded down your cheeks.   
Raphs face was a mixture of confusion, fear and above all hope.   
“Why? How can you love me after everything ive put you through?” He grunts, his hands tightening on your waist as if to make sure you were real.   
“I don’t know. I didn’t want to admit to myself that you knew how I felt and turned me away. At the start, I tried to hate you for that night, god I tried. But I just cant. I was angry at you, but I could never hate you.” You try to explain but it probably lead to more questions than answers.   
“You should hate me.” He mutters, more to himself than to you.   
“Hate make people into nasty things. Ive never wanted that to happen to you or me.” You rub your thump along his skin in small circles as he looks into your eyes.   
You gently lean up and press your lips to his in a quick and light kiss. But as you went to pull away, his hand was on the back of your head as he started to kiss you furiously. His lips against yours in a passionate moment as he tried to pour his soul into that his. Raph was about to let go and apologies for his roughness when you pressed your body against him, clinging to the back of his neck for dear life as you kissed him back.   
Raph growled slightly before picking you, your legs wrapping around his torso as he pinned you against the wall. You let out a soft moan as his hands travelled up and down your sides. Raph sensed that you were running out of breath but you were enjoying the kiss too much, so he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours. You were panting, your cheeks a bright red. Raph could stare at you forever.   
“Whoop! You go, dude!” You heard Mikey shouting. You jumped and looked at the window, only to see Mikey, Leo and Donnie smirking at you both. Mikey had punched the air as he spoke.   
Raphs grip on your waist tightened and you knew he wasn’t letting you go just yet.   
“Hey guys. Uh, sorry about not seeing you in a while.” You apologies awkwardly as Leo crossed his arms and shook his head, a smile on his lips.   
“Its okay, we know whats been going on.” Leo states, earning a confused expression from both you and Raph. He laughs slightly.   
“When Raph is really annoyed or upset about something, he talks in his sleep. And hes been talking a lot recently.” You could feel Raph freeze as his brothers laughed. Mikey started making kissing noises as he imitated his brother.  
“’Oh [y/n], come back. I didn’t mean to push you away. I don’t hate you. I love you. Please, [y/n].’ And it wasn’t just once, it was EVERY NIGHT!” Mikey throws his hands in the air as the others nod in agreement.   
You giggle and glace at Raph out of the corner of your eye. He was bright red and staring at his brothers with pure anger. He lets out a low and dangerous growl, to which Leo just chuckled.   
“Come on, guys. Lets leave the two love birds alone.” He turned and climbed up onto the roof, Donnie and Mikey in tow. Mikey did close the window, but not before giving you and Raph a wink.   
You burst into laugher as you turned back to Raph, who looked like he would explode soon. You meet his gaze and bit your lip.   
“So, how about you stay the night and we can make up for lost time?” You moan seductively in his arms, arching your back a little.   
Raph couldn’t even talk, instead groaned and pulled you off the wall and carried you towards the bedroom.   
While in his arms, you truly understood that love and hate are very close.


End file.
